I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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