Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
