after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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