doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
