Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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