what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize