dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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