I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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