I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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