I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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