How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
