i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
