You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My vagina just recognized that song.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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