i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
