Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
