Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
