I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize