You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
