Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
