Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
