Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
