I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
