I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I need moral support for this bender
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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