my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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