She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
