Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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