Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It's Friday. Sex?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
