She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize