I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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