Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
