Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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