Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
