Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
