I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
