The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
