Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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