Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
