youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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