Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
