Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
