I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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