i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
