trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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