dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
