Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
