my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize