Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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