you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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