i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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