whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
