You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
