My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize