Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
