my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
