i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
