I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Dick very happy bro
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
