I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
