yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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