I'm so fucking centered right now
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
