When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
