its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
