I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Sorry my hands just texted you
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize