This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
