If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
