Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
