with your own penis?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
