you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize