I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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