WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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