TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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