what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He uses pillows to masturbate.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
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