atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize