Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize