I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
