Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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