But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
