He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
