I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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