I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
