And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
