If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
