You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
