Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
