bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
