I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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