I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
