**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
