it wasn't lemon gatorade
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
