the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
All the doctor said was why
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
