i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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