So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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