I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
