im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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